I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
