if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
