I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
