It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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