dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
