I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
