i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
