oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
