Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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