all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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