also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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