there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
