yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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