god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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