You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
