you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
