the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
