I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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