btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
