so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
