she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
