Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
