i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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