You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
