I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
