Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
