Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
