Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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