I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
