It's like a parade of train wrecks.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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