I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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