Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
