wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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