I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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