so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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