hotel room ftw
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
