My friends, they love my intelligence
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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