she was so not down for the gang bang
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
