if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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