Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
