words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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