They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
we're so committed to being not committed
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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