At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
