I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
