My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
