Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
