You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
