oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
