God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
