There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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