if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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