I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
