We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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