my phone needs a breathalizer
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
