I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
