her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
