I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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