I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
