I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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