Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Randomize
