kristin has been a bad kristin
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
