I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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