I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
