You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
