I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
