A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize