did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
