There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
