Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize