I murdered the dance floor call the cops
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
