The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
