The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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