You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
