i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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