I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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