That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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