Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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