eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
