someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
