do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
