you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
