what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We had sex on a dog bed..
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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