Your tits are I can't wait for
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
