I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
